My love affair
with San Ignacio is waning. The sites, the sounds, the smells, the food, the
people…all have I taken in and now I feel done. It’s not just that the place is
small and to be honest I have certainly not been upon all her streets, but I
have come to realize this last night when I couldn’t sleep, that this is not my
place to be. I came here because research revealed diversity and a jumping point
for all the caves , temples and jungle. The thing is, these hold little
interest for me…I want the ocean.
I also came
because a friend talked it up but good and he was right, but for me its time to
go. I do love me a catalyst and see how this all fell into place and why. It is
not at all as planned or loosely imagined. But this is a good time to respect
and honor the art of loving detachment. So I let go.
I have till
the 1st of January to figure this all out and I have no doubt I
will. Seriously, I would like to sell most of the bullshit I brought and live
as small as possible and just move about and stay in hostels. Maybe I am not
quite ready for that health wise, but I can see it. I just need fucking wifi
and I will feel safe. If I can touch the world I know I will be ok.
Though
admittedly, I want to be a little unsafe, otherwise why fucking bother to come
here!? What kind of explorer would I be if I didn’t catch a ride from people I don’t
know but ‘feel’ I can take a chance on. Oh how I wish I had brought the big fucking
backpack. But I was working from the mindset of needing things I find I have no
need of. I only need a few changes of clothes and a bar of soap to wash them. I
do need my lotions and potions, but otherwise I am good.
Maybe I should
go back at 3 months just to rid me of all this shit brought. See my daughter
and come back with realistic packing skills based upon my discovery that I am
ready to be wild and free like I fantasied about, the sun kissed freckled faced
writer explorer.
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