Crampy Angst

I HAD candy last night. I totally forgot, only it was chocolate and it left me nauseas. I guess only caramels can achieve that gratification I seek.

Tonight’s sleeplessness is brought on by music and cramps. I kept waking up stretching and moving as though awake by way of the music I was listening to. Which, at the moment I cannot recall. Finally now at 2:30 am I give you the charade of sleep and wonder if there are old movies of interest on.

My sudden interest in old black and whites is odd but makes sense when you realize my interest in vintage clothes, house wares, and the what not. Films of the same eras might be pulling me for that reason, or it’s just a part of my transformation.

Eating has been a challenge, as in eating too much. Hormones are to blame, but I hate that I seem powerless over something we do NOT need to do. Yes eat, not over eat. I feel so determined that I know I will get back on track once the blood flows. Till then I am just a cranky “gimme candy” girl.

I wrote a title page for the book. That’s progress, right?

What I have failed to accomplish is my armor. I’ve had ideas but they fall short or just fail in general. I do want to manage this; I just seem lost as to how. Feels like this Blood Moon and the Samhain the following week are still days to be utilized for great work that will release the bullshit that is keeping me from writing beyond the title page. I know there are steps of magic I must take in order to be both free and protected against the memories and my empathically deciding my feelings based upon those negatives.

Speaking of which, there is a whole other post that I will write tomorrow about my experience for the first time at Reiki circle. As per usual, I had experiences which just made me feel awfully self absorbed. Though that was NOT my intent, it would seem that the future of how I “read” now has materialized.

I feel grogginess coming on, I must take advantage of the wave for fear of missing it. And I would love to see the enormous bags under my eyes abate.