I lovers me some lists

Goal: to write every single frakkin day! It can be babbly bullshit making no sense to even me. It matters not. Time to leave my brain to spin about on its own for a while. There is only so much visualization one can do before it becomes an amusement park like fantasy. You then have stepped into avoidance land which can be akin to stepping into the mists and be lost for a decade even though it’s felt a day to you.

Narrative: Frak if I know. So need to talk to Hannah. It’s complicated and I seriously have no clue.

Eating: well this is easy and not so easy…do what you were doing before. Just because I cannot dance does not mean that my world of movement has to come to a whiplash halt. The dark time of the year is very difficult for me in many ways, but not more felt is the slow down in my activity level and the shift in foods I crave. The family wants baked mac and cheese and well so do I. Eating bread just two days ago is being felt still. I just wanted tea and toast and though I have super duper wheat bread, anything in excess can become “bad” for you. As for movement, see below.

Cleanse day: that would be today.

Water: have started to believe the doctor that there’s such a thing as too much. So I have found a happy balance between water and Gatorade. In this practice I started to have this filmy substance in my mouth that I started to wonder about. As it turns out, it’s saliva.

Working out: time to get over my issues about working out in Terri’s bedroom. I see no sense to paying for a gym when all I really like to do there is walk the ole treadmill, which we own, in Terri’s bedroom. She also has weights and some of my yoga stuff that need to come into my bedroom/gym. Terri seems to have many things that do not belong. Jeez, has she not heard that

Sesame Street

song?

Family: Letting go of guilt over not being close to my sons and my grandchild is now on the agenda as I let it sink in deep that this cannot be my focus. I have an uncertain future that both excites and terrifies my waking hours. This home we live in has allowed me to be a grand granny when my grandkids visit. The house possesses cupboards and stowed away plastic bins full of toys and activities just for them. A motor home will not possess such ample cupboards. This is a serious option for me after we sell this house and Fae is off to college. The word renaissance is seeping into my vocabulary. This, my renaissance period will not likely fit into every ones expectations of me, but so far I find they don’t fit into mine either.